He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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