i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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