dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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