didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
