are you still at the devil's house?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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