Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
