So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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