my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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