OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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