Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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