So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
