Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
