How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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