i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
