well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
