I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
