we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
