she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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