i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize