ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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