The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
