moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
