I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Floor bacon is actually really good
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
