hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
