Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
