Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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