I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
