I cannot find my penis.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
