We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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