This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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