I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
