I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
