Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
