The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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