How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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