i think my tv is drunk
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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