She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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