do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
