The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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