it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
