I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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