lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
