my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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