And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
