I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and she was petting her beer can
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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