He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
