WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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