I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
