I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
