you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
