why didn't you poke me back
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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