A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
