Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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