her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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