so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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