So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
