i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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