Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
