I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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