We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
