It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
