I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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