I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
