I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
