So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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