I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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