i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
