I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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