Umm I'm too high to move.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
