I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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