So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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