Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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