what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
