She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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