im six kinds of drunk right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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