Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
