Only a mothe r could love this liver
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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