Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
