nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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