I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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