my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
