So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
