Got a toothbrush?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
