I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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