Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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