i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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