ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
