She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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